Conquering Spite: Christian Strategies for Dealing with Spiteful People
- TBenton
- May 14
- 14 min read
Spiteful individuals can drain our energy and challenge our patience in ways that are often subtle yet profoundly impactful. These individuals may be found in various aspects of our daily lives, whether they are family members who harbor jealousy, friends who engage in passive-aggressive behavior, coworkers who undermine our efforts, or even strangers whose negativity can unexpectedly disrupt our peace. The interactions we have with such spiteful individuals can be emotionally taxing, leaving us feeling depleted and frustrated.
Thankfully, the teachings of Christ offer us effective strategies to navigate these individuals and encounters gracefully and with empathy.
This post explores ways to practice Christian values to foster understanding, exhibit grace, practice forgiveness, and maintain our peace when faced with spiteful behavior.
Understanding Spite
"Spite: a malicious, usually petty, desire to harm, annoy, frustrate, or humiliate another person; bitter ill will; malice." (Dictionary.com, Spite definition & meaning n.d.).
I was recently the recipient of spite from someone I considered a friend. We've all experienced spite in our lives. Maybe it was from a co-worker, a family member, or, as in my case, someone I thought of as a friend.
Spite often stems from feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or past hurts. For instance, someone who belittles you in a meeting might be grappling with their own insecurities about their professional capabilities. Recognizing that spite is usually a reflection of their internal struggles, rather than a judgment on your character, allows you to approach the situation with empathy, which is necessary for handling the situation with grace.
Dealing with a situation gracefully does not mean that you should allow yourself to be treated badly or stay in a hurtful relationship. It simply means learning to handle these sorts of situations in a Christ-like way, with empathy, grace, honesty, and forgiveness.
Before we go further, I do want to stress the important difference between dealing with a difficult or spiteful individual and dealing with an abusive or harmful individual.
Dealing with difficult people is often a part of daily life as we navigate relationships and interactions with those around us.
Dealing with an abusive or harmful person requires an immediate reaction to keep you safe. If you are in an abusive or harmful situation, please seek immediate help. There are many resources available, including the two listed below:
So, if we are simply dealing with a difficult or spiteful individual, how do we best handle this person and the situation? Well, thankfully, the Bible offers us guidance on navigating difficult times and people with grace, through boundaries, prayer, support, forgiveness, and thoughtful consideration of our inner circle.
Responding with Grace
Responding to spite with grace is sometimes one of the hardest and yet one of the most effective ways to respond.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV).
Instead of retaliating when faced with harsh comments, take a moment to breathe. One of the biggest reasons for reading and knowing the Bible is so that we may immediately respond thoughtfully and with grace in a difficult situation. When we put on the "full armor of God" by studying the Word of God, we are better equipped to handle any situation.
Your response could be as simple as offering a kind word or choosing to stay silent. In my recent interaction with a spiteful individual, I chose to clarify some things and also to remain silent. There were several things I could have said, but as Christians, we are taught to react as Jesus would react, not as the world reacts. A tall order? Absolutely. But by practicing the behavior Jesus exhibited in the face of trials, we can ensure that a difficult situation does not needlessly explode into a war of words or the complete collapse of a relationship.
For example, if a coworker criticizes your presentation unfairly, it is human to feel anger, but instead of lashing out, you might take a breath and then respond with, "Thank you for your feedback; I’ll keep that in mind for next time." By maintaining your composure, you not only defuse the tension but you also stop the person who is exhibiting the difficult behavior in their tracks. What can they say to someone who simply thanked them and stated they would consider their remarks?
As Christians, it is important to seek and embody the teachings of Christ in our reaction and subsequent actions. Taking a moment to pause and reflect on the situation helps us to respond maturely and with grace. In my situation, pausing meant gaining my composure to ensure I did not react to their spiteful words in a hateful manner. Reflecting on biblical teachings about love, humility, and reconciliation can help guide your response.
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"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (NIV).
"The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit". Philemon 1:25 (NIV).
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12 (NIV).
Setting Boundaries
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Sometimes, setting boundaries is necessary in order to both guard yourself from the difficult behavior of someone around you and also to keep said relationship peaceful and respectful.
"The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but gracious words are pure in his sight." Proverbs 15:26 (NIV).
If someone is unkind to me, I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, understanding they may be having a bad day, but I also sometimes overlook some things when I shouldn't, just to keep the peace.
After reflecting upon the situation, seeking Biblical guidance, and asking the advice of someone I dearly trust (my husband), I realized this was not the first time this person had treated me with disrespect and behaved poorly towards me. I also knew it was time to create a boundary between myself and them, knowing this would be necessary in order to exhibit kindness and respect to them, and for myself.
Being kind to yourself and standing up for yourself is essential when dealing with unkind people, but always remember to respond with grace and love as you do so. In my particular situation, setting a boundary between myself and the other person allowed me to exhibit grace, forgiveness, and kindness, without sacrificing my own integrity and emotional well-being.
Remember, it is not our job to "fix" people but to pray for them and offer grace.
Sometimes this means taking a step back from the relationship and creating distance between yourself and them. While I may still see this person from time to time, I do not have to further a friendship with this person and continue to subject myself to their hurtful words or actions. In my case, I could do this because I do not have to see them very often.
But if it is someone you must see often, like a co-worker or family member, here are some ideas for how to respond as a Christian:
Clear Communication: Clearly communicate your limits to the individual in a respectful and kind manner. This might involve having a direct conversation where you express your needs and the reasons behind them, ensuring that you do so in a way that emphasizes your desire for a positive relationship rather than focusing on their shortcomings. For example, if a friend often makes snide comments, you might say, "I appreciate your opinions, but I would prefer we discuss things in a more positive way." Addressing wrongdoing directly and in a positive light can lead to better understanding and resolution.
Setting Boundaries: Consider setting specific times or contexts in which you interact with this person. For instance, you might decide that you will only engage in certain discussions during specific gatherings or limit the duration of your conversations to prevent them from becoming overwhelming or emotionally draining. This can help create a safe space for both parties, allowing for meaningful interactions without compromising your personal boundaries.
Seek Guidance From Scripture: It is beneficial to seek guidance from scripture and prayer as you navigate these relationships. Reflecting on biblical passages that speak to the importance of boundaries and protection.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV).
Guarding your heart through the Word of God and creating boundaries of what you will allow and will not allow into your heart can provide you with the wisdom and strength needed to uphold your beliefs and create a peaceful calm for your life.
Remember that boundaries are not only about saying "no" but also about saying "yes" to what is healthy and uplifting in your life. By creating space for positive interactions, putting space between those who do not value you, and by protecting your emotional and spiritual health, you can cultivate a more harmonious relationship with the individual in question, ultimately reflecting the love of Christ in your actions and decisions.
Praying for Guidance
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Prayer can also be a vital part of your response. It is important to understand the relationship dynamic you may have with someone. You do not have to be bullied, embarrassed, or humiliated by anyone, so it is important for you to reflect upon the relationship and respond appropriately. Prayer plays a big role in this.
I am a "reactive" individual by nature. Early on in my walk with Christ, I made a promise and commitment to Him that when faced with difficult times, I would do my best to pause, breathe, and seek His guidance before speaking or reacting.
Seeking guidance from God through prayer can help you find the calmness to thoughtfully consider the situation, provide the strength to forgive, as well as the wisdom to know how to address the situation constructively.
Engaging in prayer may also provide you with peace and clarity, allowing you to navigate your feelings, pray for the person or people involved, and find a kind and loving solution to the problem.
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18 (NIV)
It is our job to find a peaceful resolution to a difficult situation. Setting aside a moment each day to pray for the person who is being spiteful can be incredibly transformative.
This practice encourages you to look beyond their negative behavior and consider the underlying reasons for their actions. Perhaps they are grappling with their own struggles, insecurities, or past traumas that manifest as hostility towards others. We need to understand that just like us, they are human. We are all imperfect and all fail at times. This does not mean we are accepting of their behavior towards us, but by praying for them, you open your heart to empathy and understanding. equipping you with the tools needed to navigate difficult conversations or encounters with grace.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 (NIV).
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 (NIV).
In essence, prayer becomes a bridge that connects your heart to a deeper understanding of both yourself and others, guiding you through the complexities of human interactions. Trust that prayer can soften your heart and align your actions with kindness rather than resentment.
Seeking Support from the Christian Community
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In tough times, leaning on your Christian community can provide immense support. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends or family members can give you perspective and encouragement.
Personally, I sought the help of my closest confidant, my husband. He pointed out several factors that he had noticed in my relationship with the person who was being spiteful towards me, and previous spiteful things that had been said by them. I have a tendency to sometimes excuse or ignore hurtful behavior, feeling as though I may be making too much of the situation. Often, it takes a fresh set of eyes to see the situation for what it really is.
Christians who are practicing Christian values are often excellent at advising you in a Biblical manner and holding you accountable for any negative or hurtful behavior on your part. It is important for us to be mindful of our own behavior and to respond as Christians during stressful times. Our Christian family is excellent at keeping us in check as well as providing kind and thoughtful advice. We all need these warriors in our lives.
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"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister". Romans 14:13 (NIV).
"Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other." 1 Thessalonians 4:9 (NIV).
Embracing Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a cornerstone of Christianity and a powerful tool against spite, resentment, and bitterness. It serves as a fundamental principle that underpins the teachings of Jesus Christ and is emphasized throughout the New Testament.
When my friend was hurtful with their spiteful comment, my first emotion was confusion, the need to clarify things I felt they misunderstood, then hurt, and then, yes, a little anger, but short-lived anger. As a Christian, my first response to all of those emotions was to seek Biblical advice on how best to deal with the situation, how to forgive my friend, and how to best move forward.
Forgiveness also allows us to place what needed to be forgiven in its rightful place, in the past, and move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and emotional clarity. Forgiveness gives peace to our hearts and to the challenging situation we may be dealing with.
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15 (NIV).
When we choose to forgive, we are not merely dismissing the hurt or pain that has been inflicted upon us; rather, we are actively engaging in a process that acknowledges the wrongs that have been done while simultaneously freeing ourselves from the burden of carrying those negative emotions into our future. This act of letting go is crucial, as it enables us to release the grip that anger from these situations may have on us and experience peace as the end result.
Forgiveness is not about the person who hurt you, it is about our love and gratitude to Christ for His forgiveness when we sin. It is about honoring His Word and Will for our lives.
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In essence, the call to forgive is not just a directive; it is an invitation to embrace a lifestyle of grace, mercy, and love. It challenges us to reflect on our own imperfections and the times we have sought forgiveness from others or from God. By recognizing our shared humanity, we can become more compassionate and forgiving, creating a ripple effect that extends beyond ourselves and positively impacts those around us. It is about trusting and honoring God as He taught us through His example.
Choosing Your Company Wisely
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Do you remember having that one friend that your parents or caregivers warned you about? They did not want you to associate with this person because they felt they were a bad influence or a troublemaker. While we should always hold these people in our hearts and prayers, we do need to consider the company with which we keep.
I am not saying to give up on people simply because you may have one bad interaction with them, but I am saying to consider how that person makes you feel on a regular basis. Are their comments supportive and loving, or do they show a continual lack of support for you? Do they uplift you or seem to always try to take you down a notch? Do they go out of their way to humiliate you in front of others, or do they offer positive guidance and encouragement in all situations?
Surrounding yourself with uplifting individuals makes a difference in your emotional landscape. Building a support network of positive people with a genuine concern for your happiness and welfare is essential in life. These supportive people are our shining lights in a world filled with darkness and sometimes negative interactions with others.
By cultivating relationships grounded in faith and encouragement, you create a buffer against negative energy from spiteful individuals. Seeking connections with those who promote love and compassion ultimately reinforces your ability to confront spite with grace.
Choose love, including individuals who show love and respect for you. Pray for and help those who do not, and also create healthy boundaries around yourself and these individuals so that you may still love them without feeling the consistent negative effects of their behavior.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with spiteful people is undeniably challenging. Yet, as Christians, we have the tools to respond in ways that reflect our faith and maintain our peace.
Through understanding, grace, prayer, community support, forgiveness, reflection, and wise companionship, we can conquer spite and shine the light of Christ in an often dark world.
We do not have to be friends with everyone, but we do need to show compassion, empathy, grace, and love to everyone. Sometimes we may have to place a boundary between us and another person, but again, this boundary should not be placed out of anger or resentment, but out of love and respect for them and for ourselves.
It is important to approach a difficult situation with humility. As Christians, we are no better than anyone else. We simply choose to give these difficulties to God and trust the advice given through His Word on how to best handle ourselves in difficult times.
I am so grateful to God for giving me the presence of mind to pause and react to my friend kindly and with grace. Reflecting on the situation allowed me to see that I could still be friends with this person, but our friendship needed some distance in order to thrive. Recognizing my own flaws helped me to empathize with their behavior and to forgive with grace and love.
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The Bible gives us the blueprint for life, advising us on the ways to best respond to spite by showing love. Strive to respond to spite and difficulties with love. By doing so, you can lead by example and become a beacon of hope and light for others caught in negativity.
You will find several links for how to gracefully handle difficult situations and people in the Links Section at the end of this article. Embrace these empowering strategies and transform encounters with spiteful people into opportunities for personal growth, reflection, and forgiveness.
Here's to your Blissful Faith! ❤️
T. Benton
Owner & Writer @Blissful-Faith.org
Copyright © 2025 Blissful-Faith.org. All Rights Reserved.
Links to Handling Difficulties with Biblical Grace:
Resources:
Dictionary.com. (n.d.). Spite definition & meaning. Dictionary.com. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/spite
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